One hour after opening presents this Christmas, my youngest child, Evan, put down his newly unwrapped 3DS game, sat back on his heels, and hung his head in classic hangdog Evan fashion. (He's a little drama king. We just love him. Evan is pure entertainment, all the time. But I admit I really feel for the little guy at times like this.) “What's the matter, Ev?” I asked, kneeling next to him and cozying up confidentially. “Christmas is over now,” my seven-year-old sighed. “And it just gives me a sad feeling.” Hashtag HeartMelt. “Let's talk about it,” I said. “What parts make you sad?”
He looked around the room, obviously seeking some answer. He hadn't considered the “why,” just the feeling. “We have to take down the tree,” he said at last. “We can leave the tree up for at least two more weeks,” I promised him. “We always do. And do you know what? Christmas isn't ever really over. We have our toys, we have all the food. We have the songs. We have each other.” He half-smiled, wanting to make me feel I'd said the right thing (he's a sensitive and caring dude). But something was obviously still missing. “We're still on vacation, aren't we?” I asked. He nodded solemnly. “Well then...let's keep on partying! 'Christmas' isn't really over until New Year's Eve. People are still in a party mood. Let's do a bunch of fun things this week.” He brightened. At least some sort of celebration would continue. And I knew I had something. What I discovered that holiday week was that an easy letdown from the spinning-out-of-control frenzy of Christmas truly helped. Here are some of the activates we came up with to help segue from “frenetic jolly-good fun” to “business as usual” for the new year. Make Holiday Card Puzzles This was SO much fun...and so easy. We coated the prettiest/coolest/funniest holiday cards we'd received with Mod Podge, allowed each side to dry completely, then cut the cards into crazy shapes. Each “puzzle” went into its own Ziploc bag. Voila – puzzles that carried on the Christmas spirit! Revisit Those Christmas Lights The four of us – my wife, the two kids and I – went on a nice long car ride the night after Christmas to look at all the Christmas lights. Most people seemed to have their lights on; enough that it was really fun, and really magical. Before our holiday lights tour, we stopped at Starbucks and ordered cocoa for all, with whipped cream, of course (“child” temperature for the kids). We drove for almost two hours, sipping our holiday drinks and pointing out the most amazing decorations. So fun. Plan New Year's Eve Our local store was selling cheap holiday poppers – and tons and tons (aaaaaaaaaaaaand TONS) of festive baked goods and yes, drinks. My kids are still too young to stay up until midnight, but we went shopping for a mini New Year's Eve party to be held after dinner on the 31st. We picked up the poppers, gold and silver-sprinkle cupcakes and sparkling cider. We DVRd a few really fun child-friendly movies. This activity took up two days with fun: the planning/shopping, and New Year's Eve itself. Have a Holiday Toy Playdate A few of my sons' friends took off for parts festive (or in some cases, warmer) for Winter Break, but others stayed local. We invited three friends for a holiday toy playdate. Each child brought his or her favorite toy gift and shared around. The kids had a fantastic time oohing and ahing over one another's gifts and trying them out. (NOTE: Whenever you arrange a playdate, make sure you know each child's potential sensitivities. We had a child who could not have nuts and another who reacted badly to certain synthetic materials. Since this was a sleepover, we made sure to serve appropriate food and have natural bedding ready for our “sensitivity” kids.) Play WITH Your Child And speaking of toys, how about getting down on the floor and playing with your child? I recall many Christmases as a youngster, playing alone with my gifts while my parents chilled out. While I can't blame them (and didn't then), I found that acting childlike and challenging the kids to a round of Super Mario Monopoly really put a smile on my guys' faces and extended their enjoyment, bigtime. (By the way...I didn't win. AND I had a great time.) Life Goes On “It's all over” seemed to be Evan's lament, and it's many other people's letdown as far as I have seen from family, friends and my own experience. No, it isn't all over! A new year is dawning. More holidays are coming (my kids brightened at the thought of Valentine's Day candy and cards). Events are probably planned – Grandma's big birthday bash, little league, the school spelling bee, spring clothes shopping. Remind your child that there is ALWAYS more fun to come – today, tomorrow and all the year through. Your Home. Your Life. All Organic. Source URL: The Holidays Are Over. Now What? Getting Your Child Over the Post-Holiday Blues via Blogger The Holidays Are Over. Now What? Getting Your Child Over the Post-Holiday Blues
0 Comments
An Electronics-Free Christmas? We Did (And We Survived) Around here, we’re an organic, granola-crunchy, natural bedding-sleeping, plastic-free (okay, plastic-reduced…this keyboard I’m typing on has outed me there all by itself) family. And honestly, I’m proud of us for this. It has taken a long time, a lot of research, and tons of substitutions (and trial and error) to get to the point where I can legitimately say my family lives as natural a lifestyle as possible, within the limits that the modern world imposes.
Through the years, when it comes to the natural life, Christmas has been our final frontier. What can be more glittery, more plastic-y, more brightly lit and more deliciously, deck-the-hallsy faux than Christmas? Not in spirit, of course. (That’s a personal matter, and can be a very meaningful and deep one.) Rather, I’m talking about its materialistic practicalities. Because yes, “natural” or no, like so many other families, we absolutely love all the trimmings of the season, right down to tinsel (yikes!), non-LED lights (come on, we HAVE to buy new lights?), plastic-wrapped candy canes, DVDs (and “24 Hours of a Christmas Story, of course”), made in who-knows-where Elf on the Shelf…the list goes on. You can see how such a schism was bound to make me, Granola Mommy, feel a bit, well, hypocritical. So last year, I decided we would have a true old-fashioned Christmas…with NO electronics. (Pausing for a moment of silence here. I know, I know. Hang in there, it’s not all bad, I swear.) Granted, depending upon just where you go with “old-fashioned,” one could be talking about lead tinsel, non-child-friendly paints and plastic everything…even when one goes quite some way back in time. So we went way-er back than that (is way-er a word?) and decided to shoot for a Victorian (or even pre-) holiday. Want to know how we did it…and laughed about it (and in the end, decided to make it an annual tradition)? Curious about trying it yourself? Here’s how to have your very own old-fashioned, au naturel Yuletide. Hint: it’s not all twigs and berries (though they’re there too ) and it definitely won’t be perfect, but it WILL be fun. That much I promise you…and it’s my gift to you. 1. Douse the Lights That’s right. All of them. Just for the day and night, mind you. Yes, you CAN live without electronics. We did it, and we only considered Xanax a few times. (Maybe a few dozen?) You can do it too! Christmas is all about candlelight…especially a Victorian or heck, a Renaissance Christmas. Of course, if you’re concerned about fire, you can cheat and get battery-operated flameless candles. (I’ll give you a pass on that one.) We went halfsies: for candles closer to small(ish) hands (our littlest was five), we used the battery type, and for the rest, we used the real deal – beeswax, in fire-safe dishes and well away from décor. I know, I know…it’s sad to see an unlit Christmas tree. One thing I will NOT recommend to you is a traditional Swedish tree decked with, literally, candles. This is intended to be an old-fashioned Christmas, not a fire department one. Emergency response personnel have families too…spare everyone and skip the (literally) lit tree, just for this one night. 2. Bake Up a Storm I’m a scary baker. I’ll admit it. (Hey…weren’t we just talking about the fire department a minute ago? Hashtag coincidence.) But because I have taken us back to basics, I’ve had to learn to cook. For our traditional, unplugged Christmas, I didn’t use any ingredients I couldn’t spell. It’s easy to make anything delicious without adding anything weird to the mix. Trust me. A little organic cane sugar, something flour-ish (we used rice, tapioca and potato flours as we’re gluten-free) and you can make anything taste good…well, except the turkey. I forced my kids to help, but despite themselves, they loved it. Pull your little ones in, and any friends you can gather. If you have an electronic stove, okay, that’s a cheat too…so do your “big baking” the day before, and be set with wonderful cookies, pies and other goodies on the Big Day. 3. Make Your Own Décor You may not be the Pinterest queen (goodness knows I’m not), but you CAN make adorable Christmas décor. Ever seen a movie or read a book that described the family making tree garland out of popcorn and cranberries? Yes, that can really be done. Take my advice, though, and use thimbles. Just…trust me on this one. Then sit everyone in a row with a heavy thread, needle and lots of popcorn…and start threadin’. This takes forever. For. Ev. Er. But wow, is it fun to think of things to talk and laugh about…and get back to family basics with. More do-it-yourself décor: pine cones and berries on the table; cardboard cutouts of reindeer, stars, trees, gifts and Santa; snowflakes cut out of organic coffee filters (fold the filter four times and cut small semi-circles and triangles, then open back up); and grapevine wreaths stuffed with bits of pine twigs, dried fruit, and dried flowers. 4. Learn to Sing I love to sing, and I’m not terrible. But how many families sit around and sing for their entertainment nowadays? We did, and after a few uncomfortable glares at Mom’s tremolo (don’t judge), my children, wife, in-laws and I were trilling up a storm in no time. What do you do without electronics? Well, what did people do BEFORE electronics? Putting aside more unsavory possibilities, like competitive rock-throwing or stall-mucking, I’m going with: they sang. Remember Pa from Little House on the Prairie, getting his family to sing and toe-tap to his fiddle playing? Yeah, it’s like that. And yes. It IS fun. Try it. 5. Play a Game There are all sorts of non-electronic games you can play to make the evening fun (or, as my 13-year-old said, “Less skull-crushingly boring.” Isn’t he great? I just love that little dude…hyperbole for the win). Remember charades? Jokes? Twenty Questions? Those and more are all games that would have been played in days of old. You don’t have to play a Victorian game…just play a game. One that doesn’t involve any buttons, except the ones of Dad’s you’ll push by making a bald joke or slipping a swear word into your turn at charades. It’s amazing how close a family can get from playing a silly game and laughing about it…and being competitive about it…and losing but not caring because the win was just so darned clever. Depending on your age, you probably played games with your family. Remember the fun? It’s still there…bring it back. Don’t remember the fun? (Oh you Millennials…) Start fun of your own. Make up your own game and make it a tradition. However you celebrate Christmas, enjoy…and have a happy (and natural!) New Year! Your Home.Your Life. All Organic. Source URL: An Old Fashioned Christmas via Blogger An Old Fashioned Christmas Know what was on my Christmas list this year? I wanted the gift of organization. We all know that one person who’s ultra-organized…who has his Christmas shopping done in August, who has never forgotten a birthday or anniversary (I forget them even WITH my phone alerts!), whose children’s birthday parties always come off without a hitch and with no forgotten balloons, forgotten cake or forgotten birthday child (that last one wasn’t autobiographical, I swear…Okay, okay, so…don’t judge).
And I wanted to be that organized person. For just one year. So this holiday season, I gave myself the gift of organization. At first, it was a lot of tentative feeling around for what might work best, but amazingly, things did come together. In the end, it all it took was some pre-planning and a GREAT calendar. (And psst…a bit of help from a family of elves, but you can do all this even without special help, I promise. If you’re worried, see #5 below.) I was so thrilled with this self-gift that I thought I’d pass it on. Here’s how to have a happy, stress-free and above all, organized holiday season. Enjoy! 1. Make a Calendar It sounds so simple…maybe too simple. And anyway, perhaps you’re the type of person who hates marking things off this way and being confined to a schedule. I get that; I do. I’m not in love with the idea of being confined to dates and times either. I’ve always been a “go with the flow” kind of girl. But do it. Trust me on this one. And have your calendar be separate from your phone. Why? Because if you’re like me, once you close out the phone alert, it’s gone from your mind in 3…2…soccerpracticelaundrywritethatarticlethats’dueohmygoodnessIforgotMom’sbirthday. Gone. Gone gone gone. Don’t let it be gone. Make a calendar. Keep it on your desktop or laptop, wherever you check in often (even better: wherever you check in CONSTANTLY). I like to make my calendars in an Excel spreadsheet because I can do my months by tab. Use the system that’s right for you (and can all be accessed from one place, let me repeat, ONE PLACE…being scattered is the exact opposite of what we’re going for here). 2. Start it Early I know people who start organizing their holidays the summer before. (Actually, it’s not all that rare.) I didn’t. I started my calendar in September. I thought three months would be fine for my family and friends, and for my personality. I realized if I set up TOO many things to do, I’d (whoops) “lose” the calendar somewhere along the way out of sheer frustration. So three months it was – actually, a little over three and a half, since I started my scheduling for Sept. 1 and ended it the week before Christmas. 3. Think (Really Think) About What You Want for Your Holidays Ready to make your calendar entries? Wait. And think. Yes, REALLY think about what you ultimately want for your and your family’s holiday. What’s most important? Choosing the perfect, personalized gifts (or perhaps making them)? Holiday songs? The food? Décor? Whatever is the single, repeating element to your “holiday wants,” that’s what to focus on and the final point you’ll want to reach by the date of the holiday. It could be one specific thing – say, holiday music – or it might be broader, such as “the big dinner” which will then encompass loads of other elements. Whatever it is, that’s going to be your visual. (For me, it was Christmas dinner. We celebrate Hanukah too, but Christmas was the dinner I was hosting. I envisioned warmth, satisfaction, laughter, and song along with the dinner.) If your calendar is manual, draw a little image of that final goal on the date with “SUCCESS!” or another encouraging word over it. If you are using a spreadsheet or a document, import an image or simply write a word that has meaning for you along with that final goal. Each activity leading up to the holiday will have that goal as the end point, and all your choices will then be connected to it. It’s amazing how this one simple step will give you a guiding light for ALL your holiday organization. 4. Start Choosing REASONABLE Date Goals Now that you know where you want to get, you’ll also have a better idea of WHAT you want to get, and to plan. You may have some shopping to do, or some cooking, decorating, planning, or all of these. Start jotting goals on your calendar. I always tell myself I’ll “start wrapping presents earlier.” This year, I listed WRAP PRESENTS over five consecutive days ending two weeks before Christmas evening. And I stuck to it. When Day One came, I was just getting over a cold and was feeling quite “meh” indeed. I was tempted to forget (oops) about Gift Wrapping Day One, but realized I was sitting on my couch streaming movies anyway – was it really such a reach to sit on the floor instead, watch Netflix and wrap? No. Barring something pretty extreme, stick with your calendar. A few items you may wish to include and put one or more dates down for, depending upon what your goals and traditions are: • Buy/make holiday cards • Put up holiday lights and holiday décor (I had two dates for this: indoors and outdoors) • Send holiday cards • Rearrange guest room and bring in extra bed for guest(s) • Comb Pinterest for cookie recipes • Bake and freeze cookies • Watch favorite holiday movies (this was on my list; it always gets me in the mood. I had six movies over six nights) • Shop for holiday clothes: myself and kids • Shopping dates (or online buy-by dates) • Shop for holiday dinner ingredients …You get the idea. 5. DON’T Buy Boxes (Yet) What about physical organization? When we talk about “organization,” that’s usually what we mean. I left this for later because my focus was on doing, but I did have things I needed to buy, including décor. I was inspired during the early phase of this organization project and was tempted to buy ornament boxes (until that time, I had them in tissue paper-separated jumbles), a “tree bag” and more. You’re probably tempted to buy lots of organizing “stuff” too. Wait! You think you know what you need, but some items that will need to be put away later seem to “grow” (I have THAT many holiday village figurines? In how many set sizes?) or shrink (I thought I’d need the jumbo size box; now it seems empty and I’m stuffing the spare air with wadded magazine pages). So wait. Until when, you ask? Call me crazy…but wait until the week after the holiday. This method was way less of a madhouse than I thought it would be. Apparently, people really are all shopped out after Christmas (I wouldn’t have known, never having really done any shopping during that exhausted but happy “downtime” week). AND stores are more than a little anxious to unload their stock, so you’ll get amazing deals. But best of all, you’ll have everything out and will actually know what you need. Go minimal and if you need more, go out once more. 6. If You Can – Delegate Don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially if you’re hosting the holiday. Get your family and friends in on the fun. Offer a fun lunch out post-holidays in exchange for a little elbow grease now. All the organization in the world will come unraveled if you simply don’t have time to execute your own plan. A little help can go a LONG way to make your season brighter, and less stressful. That’s it! It’s so easy to pull things together for a great holiday if you’re thinking ahead, and outlining exactly what you need to do. Nobody wants to be grumpy for Christmas because she’s exhausted (something that happened to me too many holidays in a row). Take the time ahead of time to get it all together, formulate a plan…and make things wonderfully, magically easy this year. Your Home. Your Life. All Organic. Source URL: Organize Your Holidays: The “Holiday Calendar” Method via Blogger Organize Your Holidays: The “Holiday Calendar” Method Eew! Dust mites are just one of a whole host (see what we did there?) of critters that are feeding right under your nose. But that's not all...read on. How long has it been since you changed your pillow? Be honest (and we will too). Six months? A year? Longer? Most people don't think about changing their pillows until the dirt and lumpiness factors, even with repeated washings, make the pillow all but unusable. But there are reasons to change your pillows regularly. Here's the (occasionally gross) truth about your pillow and what happens to it over time. Dirt and Oils Over time, even with regular washings, dirt and oil from your face and hair can build up inside your pillow. For some people, this means a tendency toward acne and greasy hair. It can also be what's causing that smell you just can't seem to get rid of inside your pillow. Parasites What's eating you? A lot, especially at night. Dust mites live in pillow crevices, feeding from your and the room's leavings (they seem particularly attracted to shed human skin cells). Unfortunately, they can trigger issues such as asthma in susceptible individuals. Fungi Fungi love damp areas, and even in a cool room, your face may sweat at night into your pillow. Over the course of six months to a year, ample opportunity has been given for tiny spores to take root inside your pillow and make a home there. Lumpiness and Loss of Support On the less disgusting side, pillows tend to go out of shape over a number of months. Memory foam helps delay this, but may contain or have been processed with chemicals that are harmful for you to come into contact with and to breathe in the residue of. What Can You Do About It? 1. Try to buy pillows that contain materials that are microbe and fungi-resistant. Natural fibers can accomplish this, so don't jump to chemically-treated options; check out what you can find in the way of bacteria-resistant, hypoallergenic wool, for example. 2. Make sure the pillow covers you choose are also non chemically-treated/produced options, and be sure to wash them regularly and change twice during the week. 3. Re-fluff your pillows before sleeping on them at night, and turn over each night so your pillow pulling equal duty from both sides rather than sinking in slowly over time in one spot. 4. Vacuum your carpet and other bedroom upholstery regularly to keep the dust mite population down over the entire area. 5. Clean your pillow per the manufacturer's instructions. If chemical cleaning methods are recommended, however, substitute an organic/non-irritating cleaning solution instead. 6. Replace your pillow every six months so you have a fresh start with a clean, allergen- and mite-free rest on a regular basis. Source URL: What Happens to Your Pillow After 12 Months? via Blogger What Happens to Your Pillow After 12 Months? When I was pregnant with my first child, I sat in my mother's kitchen one day, sharing. (She sipped coffee; I drank water.) I remember opening with, “I'm doing something you might find a little weird, but bear with me. I'm aiming for an organic pregnancy.” My mother sat across from me with that “She's about to come out with something adorable” look that drives me mad and said, “Organic? Tell me all about it.” I pulled myself up straighter and informed her that it might be hard for her to understand, since in her day (she was pregnant with me in the 80s), women smoked during pregnancy, colored their hair with ammonia and took whatever medications the doctor said would be “good for them,” but as for me, I intended to have as natural a pregnancy as possible. Her smile widened. She didn't interrupt. I then gave her the anthropological low-down (thank you, Professor Cratz). In pre-industrialized societies, women ate unaltered foods, slept when tired, were active when needed (even if that meant all day), slept outdoors in good weather and never took a prenatal vitamin. And their children were healthy. “You spoke to these women?” Mom inquired, innocently. I stiffened. “There's lots of evidence, Mom. Anyway...” “You're aware that hunter-gatherer societies drank boozy milk, took hallucinogenics and died a lot, right?” Mom added. I looked at her with irritation...but perhaps a little respect, too. (Shh. I hate to admit when I'm being pwned). “Look, Mom, the take-home message is...” “I get it.” Mothers are allowed to interrupt. It's not FUN when they do, but it's allowed. “You may be forgetting that I went to school too, hon. And even if I hadn't, I do have eyes. I know most of what we eat and live in and breathe is artificial. I get that. AND I'm fully aware that we did ridiculous, dangerous stuff 30 years ago. And by the way, during my pregnancy with you, I drank wheatgrass juice. For nine and a half months.” I couldn't help it...my lip curled. (Just a little.) “Wheatgrass? You did?” My mother drank wheatgrass? My Hostess cupcakes-eating (she peels the icing off in a slab to eat first), bad sleeping habit afflicted, HRT-taking (I can't seem to talk her out of that) mom? I listened closer. This was something I really had to hear. “Yup. And I did yoga and I worked out with Kathy Smith. On VHS. Oh,” her eyes looked off in the distance, remembering: “and I slept on a futon.” “Why a futon?” I don't know why that's what grabbed me, though I admit that later, the VHS reference made me laugh a little to myself. I'm such a superior goon, shame on me. “Oh, I don't remember. Something about firm support but a degree of yield and unbleached wool weave and something-or-other-blah-blah.” “Well...wow, Mom. This is a side of you I never knew.” I was still trying to picture my mom on a futon. “And you were healthy,” Mom went on. “But I don't know if it was because of the wheatgrass and the futon. It could have been sheer luck. It could have been some other thing I did, or didn't do. It could have been genetics. It could have been a good egg. I don't know. I'll never know. Mostly, I think I just got lucky.” She reached for my hand and cuddled it in hers with one soft rap on the table as she's done for as long as I can remember. “I feel luckier more than ever to have such a smart daughter today.” “Oh...blah,” I burbled, horrified and delighted. “It's true. And do you know what? Here's the one thing I really did learn during my pregnancy with you. A woman should use her own common sense. A woman should do what she feels is right. We DO have the know-how. It's in there. Did you know Gramma was offered Thalydomide with Aunt Trisha?” Oh my God. “She was?” Aunt Tricia is my mother's older sister. Mom was a “surprise” baby; Tricia had been 16 when Mom was born. I knew Gramma had smoked while pregnant with Mom but I hadn't considered late-50s pregnancies and their implications. This was all news to me. “Oh, absolutely. She threw up three times a day with Trish and got down to 98 pounds. She thought she was going to die. Thalydomide was the answer, according to her doctor. Mom said no.” “Why? I mean, thank God....but why?” Mom shook her head. “She could never say. It was just a feeling. Mostly, she just felt it was common sense that the fewer drugs a woman took during a pregnancy, the better. She bucked the trends and she was a warrior even then.” She grinned. “Just like you.” Maybe. But I wasn't so sure I couldn't have been talked into a dangerous drug in those days, in the face of puking my guts up and getting down to a middle-schooler's weight. I squirmed a little. “Anyway,” Mom said, “if you want my advice, which I KNOW you don't...” (I made a face at her.) “...just go with your gut. You'll never know until much later what really was good for your baby and what was bad for him. I'm not just talking pills here. I'm talking anything. Essential oils, prenantal vitamins, different yoga moves, whatever. All you'll really know is that you kept the fake crap down to a minimum, used your head, went with your gut and that was the best you can do.” My heart sank. “That's it? That's all the wisdom there is?” “That's all the wisdom there EVER was,” Mom smiled. “And, know what? It's pretty friggin' good advice.” It was. Whether through luck, genetics, or lack of wheat grass juice, my baby was born very healthy indeed. And interestingly, Mom had pegged it, though subtly, in our eye-opening conversation. My baby had indeed been a “him.” I won't lie. I DID attempt an organic pregnancy – and I did a pretty kick-A job of it, if I do say so myself. (Maybe I'll tell you about it some time.) I still believe in going as natural as possible, not just during pregnancy but in one's entire life and as much of your environment as you possibly can – eating and drinking, sleeping, working, surround yourself with as few chemical, treated, and/or synthetic items as you can. Other than that, keep the fake stuff down to a minimum, use your head, and go with your gut. It's pretty friggin' good advice. Your Home. Your Life. All Organic. Source URL: An Organic Pregnancy...and Mom's Pretty Friggin' Good Advice via Blogger An Organic Pregnancy...and Mom's Pretty Friggin' Good Advice Full disclosure: I love my green bedroom. And so do my sinuses. I know, I know…what do sinuses have to do with asthma? Or with the color green, for that matter? Actually, these all have quite a bit in common – or they did for me. Because what I discovered through trial, error, morning headaches and a lot of maddeningly mysterious sniffling – and a good dose of desperation -- was that making my bedroom as green (natural/organic) as possible made not only my chronic sinusitis but a number of other conditions simply disappear. A Little Disclaimer First of all, I’m not a physician. I’m a wife, mother, parent, hiker, dreamer and writer, who just happens to have discovered his personal treasure trove of wellness in going natural. Where? Well, everywhere. It started with organic foods (then, growing my own garden). Next, chemical cleaners went out. Yet I was still suffering with respiratory issues, sinusitis, and eventually, what my doctor could only describe as asthma, though she too was a bit puzzled. “We don’t know what else to call it,” the doctor told me as I sat miserably on the exam table (good grief, why are these always SO cold?), “but the wheezing and shortness of breath aren’t an issue with a disease or scarring in your lungs that we can see, your heart is fine, you’re not currently sick with a virus, so we’ll just say asthma.” Great. Now what? “For now, an inhaler. If necessary, we’ll move on to steroids,” Doc told me, almost casually (yikes!). “But let’s not jump the gun on that yet.” I was floored. Steroids? Not that they don’t have their place, but I have to be honest: I’ve heard a lot of very, very non-happy experiences with steroids. These weren’t for me. I couldn’t be asthmatic…could I? How could it come on in adulthood? Couldn’t there be another answer? Don’t Worry…This Isn’t an Infomercial There was another answer, for both me and my family. Fear not: I won’t be trying to sell you anything unless trying to sell you on the idea of greening up your bedroom counts. Now mind you, I’m not advising ignoring your doctor’s orders. (For the record, I did try the inhaler.) But I do want to share with you what ultimately worked for me. Your mileage may vary. With that said, here are the changes I made. Give them a try and see whether you feel better. I’m willing to bet that at the very least, they’ll increase your comfort level and may even benefit your overall sleep and health. Electronics Begone! Believe it or not, electronics really do emit radiation. That’s not a myth. Generally, this is in small doses, and removing the issue might not directly impact your respiratory health, but I found removing as many electronics as possible (yes, even my phone – gasp!) helped me to sleep better, sleep deeper and this seemed to translate into better health over time. Forget Fragrances The ONLY fragrances I keep in my bedroom nowadays are petals from flowers I show no allergic reaction to, or herbs grown naturally in my own garden. Even “natural” fragrances, if canned in a spray form, will dissipate into the air in a way that could irritate your mucous linings and make asthma and other conditions more pronounced. As for candles, it’s the same principle, but with smoke. Smoke is smoke is smoke, as they say (do they say that? Well, I’m saying it). Even the smoke of a soy candle rolled gently on the thighs of mermaids and sprinkled with their tears (that might be slightly facetious) is still smoke, and smoke of any kind can negatively impact a respiratory condition. So skip the candles, or if you want them for their fragrance alone without burning, make sure they ARE all-natural, including the fragrance itself. Clean Up Clean your bedroom thoroughly and regularly, but ditch the chemical cleaners. Sprays in particular can be a problem, even if they’re low on lab-created chemicals or are touted as natural/organic, as you are still spraying particles into the air. Instead, wet a rag with water to clean up dust (and DO clean it up – dust is a gigantic respiratory system offender), vacuum and then change the bag immediately (or empty the canister), and wash bedding regularly. Get to Bed And speaking of bedding: many commercially produced sheets, comforters and mattresses contain chemicals such as flame retardants or stain shields. These don’t HAVE to be artificial, but due to costs and ease of use, generally, they are. Switch to organic bedding (cotton; linen; wool; hemp; silk) and wash regularly, as dust mites love to cuddle into any bedding, synthetic or not. Air Things Out If you live in a low-pollution area, you’re not allergic to what’s currently blooming outside, and the weather is nice, open the windows once a week and allow air to circulate on through. Make sure you keep the door to your bedroom open and another door in the house or apartment, ideally across or diagonally from the bedroom door, open as well. If you simply can’t do this, consider a great air purifier. READ REVIEWS (I can’t stress this enough), get one with a guarantee/warranty and follow all instructions for REGULARLY cleaning it and changing the filter. Try these fixes and see whether your respiratory system is happier. For us – my entire family saw improvement, not just with respiratory issues but with skin itchiness and hives (my son), general aches and pains (my husband) and better sleep overall. Have a good (and natural) night tonight…and every night. Your Home. Your Life. All Organic. Source URL: Preventing Asthma and Respiratory Problems Using a Green Bedroom via Blogger Preventing Asthma and Respiratory Problems Using a Green Bedroom When it comes to total relaxation and comfort, few images compare to that of a sleeping child. Yet so many children struggle with bedtime and a night of uninterrupted sleep. Though as adults we believe closing our eyes is all it should take, falling, and staying, asleep is actually a rather complex mechanism, especially for small children. There can be a number of reasons, including excess stimulation during the day, night fears, illness, a reaction to a specific food or anxiety about the next day of school or daycare. But one BIG reason can be – surprise! – your child’s bedding. That’s right: believe it or not, what your child sleeps on (and what’s cuddled under her face) can be triggers that keep her from getting the rest that she needs.
A Lesson Learned…and What My Family Did About It We learned this lesson the hard way. Our first child was easy as regards bedtime. But our younger son tossed, turned, and complained in the morning of a scratchy throat and headache more mornings than not, and over time things only seemed to be getting worse. It took quite some time, and a lot of worry on our parts, to get the news from the doctor that our child was suffering from a number of allergies, including a possible sensitivity to the flame retardant in his synthetic-weave bedding and the foam in his pillow. When we switched to organic bedding, the difference was (you’ll have to forgive me here) night and day. After a few tired mornings of “There’s no change – this just isn’t working,” our son fell asleep one night almost immediately and woke in the morning more cheerful than we’d seen him in a long time. We made other changes to accommodate our son’s allergy issues, but if you suspect your child is reacting badly to her bedding and have taken her for a thorough checkup and testing to rule other possibilities out, it may be time to make a change to all-organic. What’s “Organic,” Anyway? Different manufacturers of different items, including textiles, food, household and industrial products, have different definitions of “organic,” and laws about labeling something organic can be a bit tricky. Suffice to say that when we refer to organic bedding, we’re talking about natural materials v. synthetic, processed with as few non-natural methods as possible. When it comes to bedding, these may include: • Sheep’s wool • Cotton • Linen • Natural rubber (in mattresses) (be careful here – processing for “natural” rubber can be very unnatural indeed!) By comparison, less natural bedding materials may include: • Nylon • Polyester • Synthetic rubber • Synthetic foams • Additives, such as some chemical flame retardants How You Can Switch Over to Natural Bedding For a Better Night’s Sleep A few things about your child’s bed may be hard to fix, such as finding a mattress with no chemical additives and no chemicals used in its production. On the other hand, depending upon the child, only a few changes may need to be made. That’s up to you, your child’s pediatrician, and your child’s health, reactions and sleep quality to determine. In the meantime, a few easy fixes to try include: • Switching over to a natural-materials pillow (Note: NEVER allow a child under the age of 24 months to sleep with a pillow) • Using a natural-materials pillow cover • Buying a new mattress (NEVER accept a used mattress as a gift or purchase a used mattress for your child) with as little synthetic material and additives as possible • Using cotton or linen bed sheets • Buying organic mattress pads and mattress protector (if your child still has “accidents” at bedtime) • Laundering ALL your child’s bedding regularly (dust mites and other harmful critters like dirty bedding and can cause respiratory and skin irritation in your child) See Your Child’s Pediatrician First It bears repeating: Always take your child to the pediatrician for any issue such as a sleep problem. There could be a treatable but serious issue that needs to be addressed. Once that’s ruled out, making the simple changes above might just make the difference between a daily nightmare, and peaceful nights. Your Home. Your Life. All Organic. Source URL: How Using Organic Bedding Can Improve Your Child's Sleep Quality via Blogger How Using Organic Bedding Can Improve Your Child's Sleep Quality Upon the birth of my first child, I thought I was prepared for everything: sleepless nights, colic (escaped that – small favors and so on), diapers, even the possibility of postpartum depression. What I wasn’t prepared for was my body. It wasn’t just the way my post-pregnancy frame looked. It was how it felt. Everything was…gloopy. (Is gloopy a word?) Everything flopped. Skin rubbed against skin and was prickly and itchy. My breasts were…well, never mind.
NOTHING seemed to have been put back into the original places or at least the same basic form that they had been before that second line appeared on the stick. And what about all that other stuff nobody really tells you about? Or perhaps I read about it and simply refused to acknowledge that any of it could ever be me. Not I…not the woman who gently rubbed shea butter on every square inch of skin for nine and a half long months. Not Miss Antioxidant-Rich Fruits Eater. Not the Pilates princess. Well…yes me, actually. I was in for some, er, surprises. This just in from Nightmare Land: your pubes really CAN sweat, if there’s enough loose…stuff hanging toward them. (Ugh!) There is such a thing as stretch marks on calves.And as for my waist, it took a left at First Trimester and hasn’t been heard from since; I suspect it took off to Vegas to start an entirely new life in some fantasy land where bodies keep looking 17 forever. (Where do I sign?) It sounds funny reading all this; it’s not as humorous when you feel like you’re not only no longer you on the inside – a transition you at least half-expected and probably to a degree, wanted – but your outside looks like, well, your mom’s. And while Mom is a lovely person, she just isn’t, at least in your opinion, the vibrant, dare I say sexual diva you fancied yourself to be prior to pregnancy. You always wanted to be like her, not look like her. Take heart. Odds are, Mom has secrets she’ll never tell you. Somebody probably still does find her sexy…but most of all, over time, if she’s like a lucky percentage of women, she has discovered that SHE still finds herself and, yes, her forever-changed body sexy too. It’s not magic or even some trauma-induced self-delusion. Here’s how YOU can do it. 1. Touch yourself. Okay, I’m not getting dirty here. I mean, stop avoiding handling your tummy, putting on body cream, or washing in the luxurious way you used to. So you’re not some tight little teenybopper. You’re still worth touching. But you won’t believe that (no matter how much your husband or SO insists) unless you send yourself the subconscious message that your body, ALL of your body is worthy of attention. So do that. Pay attention to your whole body. Go back to your skin lotion, go back to slow, relaxing showers. Spritz your sexiest body spray. Touch yourself like you’re worth touching. 2. DON’T look on your stretch marks as “battle scars.” Is it just me? I’ve always hated that phrase. Neither “battle” nor “scar” is anything I want to associate with what is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life. Look instead at these for what they are. Stretch marks. Normal. Natural. And you know who else has them? A percentage of post-pubescent teenage girls. Body builders. Beautiful people. You have them too and that’s okay. 3. Take your breasts back. Sometimes. If you’re breastfeeding, you probably feel like your breasts don’t even belong to you anymore. Sadly, this could mean that at night when Hubby wants his turn, you’re all tapped out (ha, see what I did there?) and you just can’t bear another touch. Plus, you look down at your former funbags which now pretty much just look like…bags. STOP RIGHT THERE. Your breasts are still lovely. I promise you. Even with the stretch marks. Even with the loss of volume. And guess what – they’re still yours. Reclaim them by getting a beautiful supportive bra – spend the extra cash, this crucial time is worth it. And when you’re all touched out, you are. Period. While in a positive frame of mind, have a talk with the hubby about this, and also remember that breastfeeding isn’t forever and that you will to an extent bounce back in this area just as with others. 4. Stop yelling at your body for not being supermodel material. Come on, nobody likes to see a grown panniculus* cry. (*You know…that hanging…stuff that used to be held up right around your bellybutton.) And here’s a secret: even Gisele probably cries in secret sometimes as she looks down at her nude glory. Stop the negative self-talk. “Fatty,” “ALL this loose stuff, gross!” and just plain “ugh” aren’t helping you. At all. Be gentle. Your self-talk should be just how you’d talk to a friend…and you’d never say these things to a friend. 5. Cuddle your beautiful body. Wear soft, silky, lovely clothing when you can. I get that you can’t go the dry-clean only or Prada route with baby barf on your shoulder, but you CAN find fun, soft, rewarding materials and styles. This goes for whatever you surround yourself with, too. Change up your bedding for something super-pretty and lovely-feeling. Add cuddly throw pillows to your bed and your couch and sink right in with a good book. 6. Nobody (and no body) can heal without rest. Believe it or not, some of the damage you’re seeing now – or for a lucky percentage, most of it – WILL bounce back over time, at least to an extent. But you can’t heal properly unless you’re rested. This goes for skin as much as for any other part of the body, so find a way. If you can afford it, hire a sitter once a week to simply nap or just sit and read. (I check out the local high schools and junior colleges for this.) Trade off with the hubby or with another parent. But do get your rest. You and your body both need it. Remember: Not all of the changes you see immediately post-baby are permanent; they’ll improve over time. But in other ways it’s true that your body will never be the same. Know what, though? Your body is still a part of you. Take wonderful care of it. It’s the only body you have – and it IS beautiful. Your Home. Your Life. All Organic. Source URL: Loving Your Post-Pregnancy Body via Blogger Loving Your Post-Pregnancy Body Yep, you read that right. TWENTY years between pregnancies (nodding). And it's not like I'm all that unusual. In my many travels – both online and analog – I have met women with a decade-long gap between pregnancies, or two...and one woman even had a 22-year-old, a grandchild, and a baby bump due to be finished cooking in six weeks. But on the whole, most of the time when I tell people I have children a generation apart, I get that raised-eyebrow look...and a lot of questions. I admit it was quite a journey to be pregnant the first time to the tune of A Flock of Seagulls, and the second time watching those tunes on Youtube as “retro” or “oldschool.” But honestly? I wouldn't change a thing. I knew when I was ready for my first child. And I knew when I was ready for my second. Today, we have such choices, still often with raised eyebrows but with acceptance of offshoots of the traditional nuclear family trajectory growing every day. At the same time, I did encounter a few bumps – see what I did there? – along the way. Here's what happened, how I screwed up occasionally, and what I learned during this fascinating and very rewarding experience – in comparison format, just for fun! (P.s. Don't judge – and do it your way. I promise I won't say a thing.) Last Time: I was naturally peppy, energetic and got in lots of walking, at least once I got past the “I could nap while driving” stage). This Time: I had to push myself...but I found energy in there somewhere and expressed it, and yes, I felt every bit as healthy in the long run as I had two decades earlier. Last Time: I listened with open-childlike-eyed, eager interest to the advice of those who had done all this before me, and had knowledge I did not yet myself possess. They had earned my attention and I owed them at least taking a stab at what they were advising. This Time: I told everyone to blow me and did what I felt was right. Last Time: I “fed my cravings” (and gained 70 lbs.). This Time: I watched what I ate. And gained 70 lbs. (Oops.) Last Time: I lost my courage in the hospital and allowed unmoderated (full-dosage) Pitocin to ravage my uterus and my morale. This Time: I avoided the whole Pit thing by waiting until I was 8.5 centimeters dilated to go to the hospital, then begged for drugs at the last minute (nope, I didn't get them...and I don't regret it). Last Time: I didn't smoke, and sat at least a few feet away from smokers. This Time: Left the building if I detected smoke in any form. Yep. I was THAT pregnant lady. The annoying one. And I don't regret this either. Last Time: I whined about “horse pills” (prenatal vitamins). I whined about having to work during pregnancy. I whined about how nobody truly appreciated what I was going through. This Time: I whined a little less on the outside and had my own pity-parties in private. Yup...you'll need them. Guaranteed. And then you'll pick yourself up, and you'll move on. Last Time: I was frightened of, and disappointed by, aches and pains – none of which I was supposed to possess, being an evolved woman who “didn't treat pregnancy as an illness.” This Time: I treated pregnancy as an illness. Feet up, get me ice cream, have a nice day. (Sue me.) Last Time: I read constantly about all things pregnancy and delivery. This time: I read constantly about all things pregnancy and delivery, but I Googled all that stuff too. Last Time: I worried about stretch marks. This Time: I worried about age spots. Last Time: It was funny...and worrisome...and creative...and beautiful. This Time: It was funny...and worrisome...and creative...and beautiful. And Now, For Something a Bit More Practical With all that duly noted, there are a few things you may encounter with a longer pregnancy gap. Yes, there are real concerns (and they’re not always as saucy and hilarious as the above). 1. People may stare. Particularly if you (gasp!) look your age, you may get questions and even, occasionally, passive-aggressive style critiques. (What I encountered most was a wide-eyed “You’re so brave to put a child into this world knowing the risks to children born to older mothers!”) Have faith that this mindset is changing, albeit slowly. Be a part of the re-education of society in this regard. “Actually, I’m 47. And I’m THRILLED to be having a new little one.” Add “I did some research and the risks are actually lower than X in the general population.” Act natural and within your own comfort level, answer questions. Nothing ever changes for the better until people SEE the positive results of that change. 2. You may feel differently from the last time. I touched on this above, but moms, the struggle is real, at least for some of us. I was completely shocked that I wasn’t bounding out of bed in the mornings the second time around (I asked my husband if we could by one of those harnesses they used to lift whales from the ocean for this very purpose). I was also pretty darned surprised by the appearance of morning sickness; never expected that. Each pregnancy can be different no matter how large or small a gap there is between them, but unless you got started on your family very young, you may feel more tired and struggle with more issues physically this time around. Know this in advance and plan for rest time – and do ask for help from loved ones. 3. The “treatment” of pregnancy may have changed since the last time – actually, let’s change that to: it’s probably changed. We learn more about pregnancy and childbirth every day. Science changes constantly on the subject. So does the type of support we get. Take advantage of a great, supportive online or realtime meetup community), stay informed and read, read, read. 4. You’re allowed to be sexy this time. This is an evolution, so perhaps you were allowed to be sexy last time, too. I wasn’t. Giant voluminous Peter Pan-collar stuff was still in for pregnancies when I had my first little one. Next time around, women were showing off baby bumps like crazy, revealing a little cleavage, and just generally reveling. Go for it! 5. Eat well; sleep well. Whether or not you felt like Wonder Woman the first time around, this is your second pregnancy, and a surprising number of women start off subsequent pregnancies depleted in various areas. Take care of yourself – not just for your baby and your other child, but for you. Most of all, enjoy the process. Whether you feel like garbage, like a queen, or somewhere in between, remember each moment. Journal; take pics. Start a pregnancy blog. Be in the process as much as you can so you can look back and, yes…perhaps even consider going for Round Three. Your Home. Your Life. All Organic. Source URL: What I Learned With a 20-Year Gap Between Pregnancies via Blogger What I Learned With a 20-Year Gap Between Pregnancies “How was the party?” I asked, ready to hear Tales of Wonder and Excitement (not to mention sugar) from my then eight-year-old son, Jaxon. “It was all right.” Jax dropped his goody bag down on the kitchen counter and turned for his room. “I probably can't eat any of that,” he said matter-of-factly over his shoulder. “Wait, wait.” Jax stopped and listened obediently for whatever I was about to say, but his eyes looked...so sad. I had never seen him look quite like that. “Did...did you have fun?” I asked lamely. Jax shrugged. “Well, you must have done something at the party,” I encouraged. “Did you play any games?” “They did something with donuts,” he said. “You had to try to grab them with your mouth or whatever. I couldn't do it. Gluten.” Oh, so that was it. And honestly, how hadn't I known this would eventually happen? The awareness. The “I'm different” realization. I'd sent Jax with his usual little package of gluten-free “treats,” using recipes that were always a work in progress to get them to taste like “real” food (as Jax was beginning, worryingly, to say). And I'd expected it to be enough. It had been, when he was little. But now something else had very obviously entered the picture. Jaxon was finally realizing he was different. And that was hard to swallow. Special Kids, Special Needs Naturally, every kid is special. But when additional concerns enter the picture – such as a developmental disability, environmental or food allergy, neuro condition, or physical issue – kids can feel isolated, and misunderstood. I'll level with you: I learned this more by talking with other moms than I ever did on the internet, in books, or even through my children's pediatrician. The reason? Words are one thing. When you're living the life, it's real. When it's your child, the rubber has hit the road...and you, Mom, Dad or caregiver, need to do something about it. Perhaps you're a parent just like me, and like so many other families out there who have additional concerns, or potentially dangerous issues, such as, in our case, Celiac disease, an autoimmune reaction to certain proteins (particularly gluten) which can result over time in damage to the gut. It's serious stuff, but let's face it: ANY child who is treated “differently” due to a similar concern is experiencing something serious...and eventually, she's going to know. It will go beyond “I can't eat that” sassily and naturally stated on the playground to “Why am I different?” at some point. I believe it does for all of us families with children of additional needs or concerns. What then? There's Hope There are things you can do for, and say to, your child which go beyond the pat and rarely listened-to “you should be grateful...” that we were (pardon me) fed by our parents. (There's room for that too, but you need to make it realistic...we'll get to that in a moment.) I'm not a child development expert, so do ask your pediatrician before making dramatic changes to your child's lifestyle, and if you are concerned about possible psychological ramifications of her experience with her needs, please consult a professional. Please note: your child is not my child. She has her own personality, and her own set of actions or comments that will resonate with her. Be sensitive to your child's uniqueness and gear the following to what you feel will work best for her, and for your whole family. So...let's get down to it, shall we? Let's make things better for our children...one party or playdate at a time. Arrive Prepared There are so many appropriate opportunities to teach your child not to treat herself as “different” from anyone else; to have her “learn to deal” with her differences with grace and a pert shrug of her shoulders. They probably come up frequently. And they're wonderful learning times. In my opinion, at a party trying to make new friends at the park isn't necessarily one of those times. Oh, it's certain that depending upon your child's needs, the subject could come up among his new friends. And she may be happy to answer questions. And that's fine. But overall, when it comes to a just-for-fun activity, make things as easy as possible for your child to get right into the middle of the fun. For my family, that means packing tons of goodies Jax can eat and drink. For the next parent, it could mean having an inhaler or Epipen readily available, bringing a lightweight sling seat for maximum mobility, scouting out a quiet cool-down place at the locale ahead of time or some other resource (or resources). You may be used to lugging around tons of equipment already. If you are, you're probably rolling your eyes at this suggestion. Again, the point here is to make this preparation as EASY AND UNOBTRUSIVE as possible. Don't call your child out (“Are you suuuuuuure you don't want some gluten-free muffins?” “Sammy, are you in the Blue Zone?”) or make him stand out, but do be ready with your easiest possible, least disruptive hacks for his abilities. Then let him get right into the fun. Host Party of Your Own Your child is probably used to going to parties where she has to make accommodations in order to be able to participate. Here's a novel idea: why not host a party that already has accommodations? We had an entirely GF party for Jax on his last birthday, and nobody knew, except those Jax happened to mention the fact to. The treats were delicious and everyone played around and had a ball. (Jax has a summer birthday so there was lots of water activity and a water bouncy house.) Your child deals constantly with his own limitations, whatever those are. This one time, let accommodations already be there so he can feel truly (I hate this word – but I guarantee you it WILL come up at some point) “normal.” Here's a perk: if your child does want to talk about the different things you've done to craft “his” party, he has the opportunity to. He can teach his friends in this way about something new and open up new worlds of understanding for them as well. Let's be clear. The point here isn't to create some fantasyland for your child where he's “just the same!” as everyone else or to hang out in a state of denial. It's to put control into your child's hands (he decides what he does and doesn't do at his party, without limitations; he decides whether or not to reveal intimate details to friends, rather than having this forced on him by circumstances). It's to show your child he can be in control, and that he can steer his own ship. He actually may have fewer limitations than he thinks he has if he can achieve this mindset. In my opinion, this is very valuable indeed. It's a win-win. Talk About It We have had the “everyone has his/her things to deal with” conversation many times. Even in non-special needs families, this talk will generally come up. Why? Not because it's a tortuous rite of passage every parent inflicts on her child (“You should be GRATEFUL, darn it!”) but because, well, it's true. Children enter the world with very black-and-white thinking. They'll use superlatives quite a bit. (“Everybody gets to do this, I never get to do X, this is the worst day of my life.”) That's natural; it's because kids are learning about and trying to interpret their world, and that means putting things, at least for now, into clear categories. Good. Bad. Fun. Sucks. Delicious. Gross. You get the idea. And a child with different needs from the general population – at least as far as she can tell – may occasionally feel the entire world is having a gas, while she's stuck on the sidelines. I say, try a new take on the “you should be grateful” speech. Don't finger-wag and don't shame. Instead, introduce the idea in an upbeat way. Talk about people with different circumstances and abilities and all the things they can do (don't go overboard, just talk about everyday, achievable goals; again, you're not trying to make a “shame on you for not achieving” picture here). Jax discovered he was autistic at around age seven. Oh, he'd heard the word before, but he REALLY realized that it meant something at around that time. He came to me with sad eyes and asked “why” he was autistic. Within a few years I heard for the first time, “I hate autism!” I didn't wax surrealistic (and possibly inaccurate) by making wild claims that Albert Einstein was autistic and so is Bill Gates. Instead, I began, slowly, to introduce different very real (real in our immediate experience) people. An uncle. Dad. Me. Jax's friend Millie. Bit by bit I gently let it sink in to Jax's head that nobody has “a normal life.” Nobody. There probably isn't any such thing, given trend changes in what's considered “normal” and not anyway, as well as individual interpretation. But leaving philosophy aside, letting your child know he is not the only person struggling with someone (indeed, I don't believe anybody is immune to struggle) makes her feel less persecuted and more like a functioning and needed part of the human race – her rightful place no matter what her challenges are. When Your Child is Snubbed All of these suggestions won't be sunshine and rainbows. Your child may lose a friendship (actually, everyone does at various points while growing up), or may be snubbed on the playground. She may even be bullied. And yes, once in a while, it could specifically (and very vocally) be “because of” her “differentness.” My take on this is: if it's a snubbing, treat it as you would with any child. Ask your child to have as calm a possible talk with the friend to see if she can help the friend understand circumstances better. After that, if the snubbing continues, it's time for the tried and actually quite true “If that person doesn't love you, find someone who does.” She won't believe it at first, and she will hurt, and she will cry. You'll be there to hold her. And just as your mother probably did for you, you will help her to eventually really believe those words. If your child was directly snubbed due to her disability, there will be a lot more to talk about, but don't glaze over this part. Do address that there is such a thing as prejudice against the differently-abled, but stress that this is changing for the better, and that she, by being her beautiful self, is helping to create that change. Let her know she IS making a difference, and she IS needed...and she IS valuable, just for being herself. Actively help your child make new friends if she's very young, or encourage from the sidelines as quietly as possible for an older child, such as suggesting that your daughter invite a new friend to a sleepover. If it's bullying, however, do not let it go. Please stand up and be the one to say something. A child who bullies your child is almost undoubtedly bullying other children. There could be a variety of reasons, but there is never an excuse for bullying. Full stop. Speak to the parents or, if it happens on school property, to the school. Your child needs to see that bullying will never fly. Ever. Don't Just Have Special Needs Friends One thing we've learned is to not just have friends “who can understand” Jax's issues. Rather, we have kept his friends pool broad and without limitations. He has some friends who are autistic, sure. And he has one gluten-free buddy. But for the most part we put no limits in this way. It's tempting to surround yourself with people you “don't have to explain things to” (trust me, I know). But in my experience, that can make anyone, but especially a young child, see his/her disability first; it makes the disability the focus. And it shouldn't be. Your child's heart, her love of singing or dancing, her quirky sense of humor, her affection SpongeBob, climbing trees or collecting worms, or whatever makes her, her, should be the focus. I don't believe there's any such thing as too many friends, if they're true friends who really love you. So come one, come all – and let your child know she can be loved by anyone...and is. Your Home. Your Life. All Organic. Source URL: When Your Child Feels Left Out: Special Needs in the Real World via Blogger When Your Child Feels Left Out: Special Needs in the Real World |
AuthorAnna is based in Vancouver and writes about the benefits of an organic lifestyle. ArchivesCategories |